Sep. 20th, 2012

Grumble

Sep. 20th, 2012 09:14 am
bravocharliesierra: (Default)
Have you ever had that feeling in the morning when you wake up that you
just want to *punch* something? There is a deep growl waiting in your
belly, ready to roar. It seems like the slightest pin drop could set you
off on a raging tirade, slamming doors, breaking dishes, throwing the first
thing you find out the window.

But yet, it waits.

You go for hours - get up, get dressed, go to work - and still, no
screaming. No boiling point. No cartoonish bursting thermometer of anger.
Just the same bullshit as usual, which makes you even *angrier*. It feels
like the day is just mocking you at this point. *Oh, what are you gonna do?
Cry? Like a baby? *Mocking you like grade school bullies. Pricking at your
every weakness. You fume, but what can you do? You just sit there and take
it.

You kick your toe into the ground, stomp your feet, and throw fits in your
mind that you'd never throw in real life. Every little inkling of
insecurity prickles, widens, then bursts and pours through you. *Your hair.
Your skin. Your clothes. All wrong, all cheap, all dirty, all
worthless, **you're
worthless, you're stupid, you never do anything right, how could anyone
love you?* *You're too fat, too ugly, too short, too lazy, **you don't
deserve what you have*. *You're sick because you deserve it, this is your
punishment, **you are just taking up space, give it up for someone better -
anyone is better*.

By the time the pin drops, you're too tired of fighting.

You just sigh, look down,

and grumble.

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