May. 2nd, 2012

bravocharliesierra: (Default)
I haven't posted in a long while for so many reasons. First, I am super
busy with work, school, and nearly everything else. My family has been
flailing with health problems (mine, my fathers, my grandfathers, and my
mom had a heart attack yesterday), my husband is incredibly busy, and
things haven't seemed to slow down at all.

There is always something going on. This isn't always a bad thing, but it
can be overwhelming. I have been feeling lately like I take no time just
for me - even when I do get a break, I spend a lot of time internetting
(thanks, Tumblr). It's not that I don't enjoy that, or the small amount of
video game time I get, but I don't have mental downtime. I try to watch TV
shows or movies, but I feel understimulated. I think about reading, but
only get a few pages in before I have something else to do, or decide I
don't like the book enough to read more, or it takes weeks to get through a
chapter. I often find myself not wanting to go socialize, hoping that I
will eventually get relaxed enough and be "done" with enough of my other
priorities that I'll have nothing to do, but then I feel guilty and end up
doing whatever the socializing was in the first place.

When I get a break from everything else, I always think about the housework
that needs done, but I am either a) too physically/mentally exhausted, b)
in pain, or c) just don't want to. I try to be there for friends and keep
building relationships, but some days I just don't even care enough.

I am writing, but it's dragging on so slowly. I feel like I'm wading
through tar, but at the same time like everything is moving so quickly
around me that I can't hold onto it.

Does anyone else get that feeling? It's not just with the writing. It's
with everything. Everything is rushing, rushing, and I'm just dragging
myself through, hoping that I can climb out.

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bravocharliesierra

May 2013

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